Ill Mind, Number 7

Yo, fuck anybody I might alarm
Life is a tour, I sit and ride along
Taking some notes and then I write the song
I’m staring down the road my life has gone
Is this where I belong?
Is it wrong to not believe in right and wrong?
My mental state is fucking me up
And I cry the pond while asking you for some answers
But we don’t have that type of bond
That my desires gone with the way that I’ve been living lately
If I died right now, you’d turn the fire on
Sick of this bullshit, niggas call me a sellout
Cause I hopped on Christianity so strongly then I fell out
Now I’m avoiding questions like a scared dog with his tail down
Feeling so damn humiliated because they looking at me like I’m hellbound
What story should I tell now? I’ll just expose the truth
I’m so close to the fucking edge, I should be close to you
But who the fuck are You? You never showed the proof
And I’m only fucking human yo, what am I supposed to do?
There’s way too many different religions with vivid descriptions
Begging all fucking men and women to listen
I can’t even beat my dick without getting convicted
These ain’t wicked decisions, I got different intentions
I’ve been itching to get it, I’ve been given assistance
But the whole fucking system is twisted
Now I’m dealing with this backlash because Marcus isn’t a Christian
And I’ve been told that my sinful life is an addiction
But I can’t buy it, it’s just too hard to stand beside it
I need an answer and humans can’t provide it
I look at the Earth and Sun and I can tell a genius man designed it
It’s truly mind blowing, I can’t deny it
Is heaven real? Is it fake? Is it really how I fantasize it?
Where’s the Holy Ghost at? How long it take Man to find it?
My mind’s a nonstop tape playing and I can’t rewind it
You gave me a Bible and expect me not to analyze it?
I’m frustrated and you provoked it
I’m not reading that motherfucking book because a human wrote it
I have a fucking brain, you should know it
You gave it to me to think to avoid every useless moment
It was a mission that I had to abort
Cause humans be lying with such an inaccurate source
It’s gon’ be hard to put me back on the course
Next Jehovah’s Witness to come on my porch
I swear I’m slammin’ the door
A lot of folks believe it though, but I’m not surprised
Humans are fucking dumb, still thinking that Pac’s alive
I ain’t trying to take your legacy and torch it down
I’m just saying: I ain’t heard shit from the horse’s mouth
Just sheep always telling stories of older guys
Who were notarized by you when you finally vocalized
Now I’m supposed to bow my head and close my eyes
And somehow let the Holy Ghost arise
Sounds like a fucking Poltergeist
Show yourself and then boom it’s done
Every rumor’s gone, I no longer doubt this shit, you’re the One
I’ll admit that my sinful ways was stupid fun
And all my old habits can hop onto of a roof to plunge
I’ll donate to a charity that could use the funds
Fuck the club, instead of bitches I’d hang with a group of nuns
And everyone that I ran into would know what I came to do
I wouldn’t take a step unless it was in the name of You
I hate the fact that I have to believe
You haven’t been chatting with me like you did Adam and Eve
And I ain’t seen no fucking talking snake unravel from trees
With an apple to eat, that shit never happens to me
I don’t know if you do or don’t exist, it is driving me crazy
Send your condolences, this is me reaching to you so don’t forget
If hell is truly your pit of fire and I get thrown in it
I’mma probably regret the fact that I ever wrote this shit
My gut feeling says it’s all fake
I hate to say it but fuck it, shit I done lost faith
This isn’t a small phase, my perspective’s all changed
My thoughts just keep picking shit apart all day
And in my mind I make perfect sense
If you aren’t real then all my prayers aren’t worth a cent
That would mean that I could just make up what my purpose is
And I could just sit in church and say “fuck” in the services
Man what if Jesus was a facade?
Then that would mean the government’s god
I feel like they’ve been brainwashing us with a lot
So much that we don’t even notice that we’re stuck in the box
Man everything is “what if”, why is it always “what if”
Planet Earth “what if”, the universe “what if”
My sacrifice “what if”, my afterlife “what if”
Every fucking thing that deals with you is fucking suspect
I’m fucking done, I’m fucking done
This is my fucking life and I’m living it, I’m having fun
If you really care for me, prove that I need to live carefully
But I’ll be damned if I put my own pleasure aside for an afterlife that isn’t even guaranteed
We are you, and you’re us, stop playing games
My life’s all I got, and heaven is all in my brain
And when I feel I am in hell, my ideas are what get me through pain
Do as you please, and I’ll just do me
I’m a human, I’ll stay in my lane
Ill mind

Damnit my sister is home that means I have to put pants on

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Last night, I ran for the nearest bus passing
but let it forget to let me on.
Last night, the lake was a teaspoon
of black sky and somewhere,
you unremembered my name.

Every doorframe in my house
seems to wait for you.
The sink leaks and the dishes
fall out of my hands.
They never break,
just clang and clang
and remind me how quiet
everything is afterwards.

Soon, though, I’ll wrap myself in lace
and cut my hem a little lower
and walk the night alone.
Soon, I’ll holds my heels in my hands
and the pebbles on the sidewalk
will hurt my feet.
Soon, I’ll be okay.

I miss you
doesn’t mean I want you back.
I miss you
doesn’t mean I need you to fix this.
I miss you only means
one day I won’t.

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